Live a confident life - it's never too late!

It's probably true that all of us secretly believe that there is one thing that could make us happy and confident - if only we knew what it was.......money, happiness, a relationship, a new job, children.....the list is endless, and it's probably different for each of us, but is the idea right?

No. Your life can be better, and you can be happier, without any of those things. All you need to be confident is to change to the way you feel and think. Besides which, you already know what would make you happy and confident. That's something you certainly know, even if you try and hide it from yourself.

Every single one of us has the power and knowledge to determine what will make us confident and happy. If you think about this for a moment, you'll see how true it is. That's not the question - the question is: "Why don't you do it?"

You already know the true purpose of your life. Deep down, that's the thing that will give you more confidence than anything else in life, and it's the one thing you may well be most scared of. You need to find this purpose, and you need to act on it, because if you do, you'll be both confident and happy. Guaranteed.

How do you learn to live confidently?

Don't fall prey to the kind of thinking that tells you if only you'd done this, that or the other you'd now be confident and happy. The truth is that you just don't know what would have happened if you had taken a different path in life - and you certainly don't know how confident you would have been right now.

 Image suggesting self-confidence

So this not so much about the reality of what would have happened as your regrets about what you would like to have happened -and of course that energy is not available to put into the here and now, to create a better and more confident future life for yourself!

Deal with this right now by making a list as long as you can of all the events and decisions which you believe have contributed to your current lack of confidence and dissatisfaction with life.

Now - read it aloud and reflect on each one as you do so. Then BURN the list, with enough ceremony that this act tells your mind that you have given up regrets and worry, that you will no longer spend time ruminating on the past and thinking about what might have been -- now, focus on the future!

OK? So are you ready for a new start and a confident future? Great! The main areas to look at are: sexual health and pleasure, sexual dysfunction, relationship problems, physical health, and mental health.

Ask yourself the right questions that will get you answers about what you need to do to increase your confidence

To establish the kind of thing you need to be doing to feel happy and confident, you need to conduct some kind of self-analysis. How about looking at your answers to these questions:

What gives you pleasure, satisfaction and happiness at work, home and with your friends and family?

What gives you pleasure, satisfaction and happiness when you are alone?

If you could do anything, what would it be?

If you could create an ideal life, what would it be?

What would you do if you were full of self-confidence and not afraid of failure?

What isn't working for you right now (in your life)?

What is working well and what would you like more of?

Image suggesting self-confidenceWhat physical health issues prevent you from feeling well? Are these the product of your lifestyle - such as alcohol dependency and hiatal hernia - or are they the product of age, for example gout (read more here) and arthritis?

What stops you feeling joy?

Who in your life adds positive energy to it and who subtracts energy from it?

Who makes you miserable and who makes you happy?

Can you give these wrong relationships up?

What exactly do you need to do in life to feel more joy?

What would you do to discover more about yourself?

Focusing by answering these questions on paper will give you a fast track to the knowledge you need to build a more confident life.

You'll find that by putting your answers down on paper, they'll become clear more quickly and the actions you need to take more obvious and easier to initiate.

OK. You're not so confident. But stop beating yourself up about it.

You may not even know how negative your thinking currently is - I've been around a lot of negative people in my work and the one thing that most of them did not appreciate was how their thinking patterns sapped their confidence.

To stop negative thinking, every time you catch yourself having a negative thought, simply use a behavioral technique to stop it - say to yourself, "Stop it". And don't allow any negative thoughts about the process to intrude! If you keep at it, this will prove to be, first, extremely hard to maintain, and second, extremely effective in changing your thinking patterns.

If you have sexual issues, deal with them - nothing can be more confidence building than good sex, and nothing more confidence sapping, than being a failure in bed - so, if you're a man, find out how to deal with premature ejaculation here - where you can check out various definitions of premature ejaculation. So, if you're a woman, make sure you know exactly how to satisfy yourself and educate your partner so that he knows how to give you an orgasm too!

And stop judging others

There is no need to do this - and it's incredibly stressful. To cultivate the art of loving detachment, where you acknowledge the effect others have on you and yet you don't judge them for it can be extremely liberating. It's not your job, nor do you have the right, to judge others. Like all negative, confidence-sapping thought patterns, this can be stopped simply by making a choice to do so.

Live for fun! Confidence comes from happiness; fun gives you happiness

You don't have to grow up into a stuffy old adult. Fun males us children again, and brings out the creative part of ourselves, the part that sustains our energy and our vision and hope for the future. Play, each and every opportunity you get.

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