Men: Do
you want to develop sexual self-confidence?
Do you think of "sex" when you hear the word
"sexual" or "sexuality"? Well, sexuality
is much more than sexual intercourse; to be
sexual means to exemplify the basic essence of
our sexual selves as females or males.
It includes how we feel about ourselves, our
sexual beliefs and behavior, our sexual values
and emotions, and how we use our God-given raw
sexual energy. Our sexuality affects every
aspect of who we are and what we do as human
beings. Our sexuality contributes to our sense
of self and self-esteem.
Our
raw sexual energy
is a creative flow
that permeates our being and makes us
quiver with emotion, sensation and anticipation.
It is the energy of creativity, emotional life
and sexuality, as well as being a source of joy
and pleasure which is healing and bonding. And,
yes, it controls how one reaches out and relates
to others.
Sexual or erotic energy is a route to higher
spiritual powers and to the essence of
ourselves. Our
minds, bodies and spirits depend on the
sensuality of being sexually alive, vital,
joyous and fulfilled. Sexual energy produces
passion and connection in sexual love and
excites us with love and life. When energy is
flowing we see our
selves
as
sexual
beings; our
thoughts, emotions, and actions are infused with
purpose, meaning, passion, sensuality and
desire, with abundance of vitality and life. We
are aware of the flow of erotic energy around
our body, and become better lovers. This is
great for our sexual partners, and supportive of
our personal confidence too.
Sexual
self-confidence is the knowledge we've
reached a level of psycho-sexual development
where we feel desirable without the desire for
anything else outside us. We know the unique and
valuable part of us is sexual - and we want to
offer it unconditionally to a sexual partner.
It's a higher level of self esteem.
Sexual self-confidence
determines how we interact with the opposite
sex, who we feel attracted to, the things we try
and what we avoid. Our sexual self
confidence affects everything we think, feel,
say and especially do, and it touches
everything and everyone we contact. It even
influences how we stand, the way we walk, talk,
respond to stress, and go about everyday things;
it determines how we seek out success and even
what that means to us.
When you have high sexual-confidence in yourself as a
sexual man or sexual woman, you attract the opposite sex. You
project some kind of
magnetic sexual
state
because you're free of judgments, inhibitions,
dependent neediness,
insecurities, anger and resentment,
wounds, the trauma of painful
humiliations, free of confusions, lacking in jealousies,
have no fears or
inadequacies, are untouched by rejection or failure,
and have no need of
control and conflict, and self-doubt, confusion and
shame are unknown to you. You can direct your sexual
interests, sexual urges, sexual energy and activities to
the little spark of interest that fires up into
a
strong emotional connection and a sexual lasting bond.
When you have high sexual self-confidence as a
sexual male or sexual female you are
self-assured, very relaxed, sensuous and better
able to use your body as an
intelligent channel for ideas, emotions,
sexual interest and sexual desire. You can
figure out how to get what
you want out of life and you will always operate in ways that
actually help others get what they want as well.
When you have a strong sexual confidence, you
love lovemaking and sex and take the time and
trouble to please your sexual partner; you enjoy
making love for much greater time because your
innate sense of your sexual value is
appreciated. Your erotic yearnings, sexual
feelings, libidinous desires, and sexual
impulses connect you strongly with your sexual
partner.
The higher your level of supreme
sexual self confidence the
more noticeable your
sexual aura and your erotic presence. With these, you do not need to act or dress "sexy"
because you are sexy! Around intensely
sexual people you can almost
feel their sexual
energy. And of course, when the opposite sex
feels that energy, they are irresistibly drawn
to you, even when they don't know why.
The differences between people in sexual
confidence is immense: the difference between being
in the sexual "zone" or being sexually fumbling
and inept.
For example, suppose that you have a
tendency to ejaculate prematurely? This
common problem can ruin sex for both men and
women, shatter a man's sexual self-confidence and
even lead to high levels of stress between
partners. Yet the
treatment for premature ejaculation is
surprisingly quick and easy, and you can
learn at home
how to control your ejaculation. This
treatment program will give you the power to
choose when you ejaculate during sex.
But of course sexual confidence is not just
about being able to control your
ejaculation, though that is a major part of
being a good lover.
You also need to know the right sexual
techniques, the best sex positions, and the
best way to develop a loving and intimate
relationship. For advice on these aspects of
relationships, and a
free
psychosexual counseling
service which will answer any emotional or
relationship issues you may have, you need a
great website on sex and relationships.
Now, suppose that you are just looking for
general information on sexuality, male
sexual health, sexual problems and so
on.....including
genital health (the penis and testicles) and
penile health, as well as other issues
that concern men, like penis size, male
sexual health, information on sex, arousal,
ejaculation and orgasm and sex techniques.
Finally, there is the difficult and
challenging question of erectile
dysfunction. Treatment for
erection problems is
actually not difficult in many cases, but
this is a problem which can shake your
self-confidence and sense of masculinity,
so if it affects you, then start looking for
effective treatment for erectile
dysfunction.
Sex is often is a
source of great pleasure and fulfillment, but
even when you feel satisfied with your sex life,
anxiety about your sexual performance has much
more to do with your experience of sex - whether
it reinforces your sense of self-worth or not.
So what is a "normal" sex life? What sort of activities are normal?
Most people wonder if
their sex lives are normal - especially around fantasies
and masturbation. A lot of information on frequency of
sexual
intercourse is misleading - the truth is that an
average is just that and hides very high and
very low numbers, all of which are normal.
The success of your sex life is really based on
how sexually satisfied and fulfilled you are.
Does that depend, for you, on how many orgasms
you have? Or how easily
you reach orgasm?
Your comfort
with sex will depend on
how successful your sexual
intercourse is, as well as things like premature
ejaculation, delayed orgasm, and
your ability to reach orgasm during sex if
you are a woman - these things all produce a reduction of sexual
self-confidence, as well as stress and tension.
Also, what
is "normal" sexual behavior depends on
cultural and emotional things like the standards
of normality in a society. Apart from S&M, more or less every
sexual behavior between consenting adults is normal,
when judged by how many men and women enjoy it!
Of course, men and women all
respond to a huge variety of sexual
stimuli, which is fine
if no emotional or physical
harm results and no discomfort or conflict is
caused.
How can sexual
partners know if
each other's needs are being met?
The best way to
find out is to ask your partner. If some sexual
practice causes guilt, shame, or anxiety, or
your mood is persistently down, then things need
to change. If your sex life makes you feel
positive it's likely your sexual relationship is
working well.
What can we do
about sexual issues?
See a
professional therapist. This might be a sexual
psychotherapist or a doctor if there is
a medical issue causing
erectile dysfunction. But many
people will not see a professional, in which case the nest best solution is
to seek help from an effective self help
program. For common sexual conditions which can
reduce sexual pleasure, we have some selections
as follows. The first and foremost condition
which destroys a man's sexual self-confidence
though not necessarily his desire to have
intercourse, is premature ejaculation. This has
been defined as a man ejaculating before either
he or his partner wishes, regardless of how long
that might be in time. There's a suggestion of
sex being over before it is complete. For men
who wish to know
what causes premature ejaculation, there is
plenty of material available there. The
prevalence of premature ejaculation is
discussed here, and as you can see it is so
common as to be regarded as normal! This
emphasizes the difficulty of actually defining
what is normal, as we suggested above. Most
people - most men, certainly - would appreciate the ability to last longer during sex, even
if this made their sexual performance
abnormal!
Lots more men than is
generally appreciated have issues around
erectile dysfunction.
It's probably true to
say that this is more of a sexual
self-confidence sapper than anything else,
because the ability to get an erect penis and
make love is such a fundamental part of a man's
sexual self-esteem and self-confidence. Treatment for erectile dysfunction is
surprisingly successful. There are wide
variations in the level
of sexual desire among men and women; sexual desire also fluctuates for each person
throughout life. If a couple's differences in levels of sexual desire is small,
they can negotiate their
sexual activity so that they remain sexually
self confident.
But if
differences in sexual desire are large, there is a negative impact on the
sexual relationship.
The partner with the
lower level of desire may feel he or she is
being pressured into sex and this can lead to
resentment, anger and greater decline in
sexual desire. The one with the higher libido
may feel unloved, unwanted and even sexually desperate.
Dealing with a
large difference in sexual desire can be
challenging. It's good for the relationship when
the man or woman with the higher libido feels
his or her sexual needs are being respected and
the one with the lower libido feels he or she is
not being pressured into sex. The latter might
provide sexual gratification for the former
without sexual intercourse. The use of
masturbation or oral sex avoids unwanted sexual
experience if one partner doesn't feel like
getting aroused. It can also help sexual self
confidence when the person with the lower level
of sexual desire gets emotional satisfaction
from pleasing the other partner. Both partners
feel cared for and worthy.
What about couples who experience
problems when their sexual interests are
different?
Negotiation skills are needed to arrive at a
pattern of sexual behavior that is acceptable to
male and female partners. And of course, don't engage in behavior
you find distressing or repellent; but you might
like to try some experimentation with your
partner's sexual fantasy or behavior to help you
explore
your own feelings. There's always counseling, as
well.
What are the
conditions that make it possible for a person to
engage in satisfying sexual behavior?
To be sexually
aroused normally, and function sexually, you
need to be sexually self-confident, free from
anxiety, enjoy mental and physical stimulation,
and be able to focus attention on arousing
thoughts, feelings or behavior. Sexual self-confidence
includes knowing you'll be able to succeed
sexually, believing you are attractive, and
trusting your partner has good intentions. Of
course, anxiety can lead to sexual
failure. Performance anxiety
interferes with sexual arousal. The inability to become
aroused can increase the anxiety. In general, we
get a sense of our
sexuality
and sexual needs being met by the mental
stimulation of a partner they love or find
attractive, physical
stimulation, and sexual desire. For
stimulation to be sexually arousing, there must
be no distraction by thoughts of possible
failure or a lack of self-confidence.
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