As far as sexual
problems are concerned, the problem lies in
poor communication between the partners.
It turns out that
many couples have got some kind of sexual
problems are just simply not able to discuss
their sexual relationship.
The result of this
is that they are both unable to express any
anxieties and needs they have around sex,
and they also start to guess what the other
one is thinking and feeling.
The problem with
this approach to any relationship is that it
leads to serious misconceptions, and of
course it may also make the sexual
Any woman whose
interest in sex is reduced, for any reason,
may find it very challenging to tell a
partner that she requires a very different
approach -- perhaps, for example, more
gentle caressing - before she can begin to
However, if she
doesn't communicate this to her man, he may
mistake her sexual response as a personal
rejection, and start to withdraw both from
sex and the relationship.
is that he will actually hurry through sex
to get it over with, because he believes
that his partner is not interested in it.
This may mean that
he develops premature ejaculation - an
anxiety related dysfunction.
If his resentment
increases, he may therefore develop
ejaculation delays, which is often
associated with anger.
So just as
any kind of disturbance in the general
relationship between sexual partners is
often the cause of sexual dysfunction, what
maintains sexual dysfunction is the
continuance of disharmony with in the
is that sexuality, trust, affection, and the
general emotional tone of the relationship
are all closely linked. This means that a
disturbance in any one of these factors will
definitely have an impact on all the others.
For example, a
satisfactory sexual relationship cannot be
maintained if either partner is feeling a
huge amount of resentment, or zero affection
towards the other partner.
Studies conducted in
England have shown that sexual dysfunction
is actually secondary to general problems
and relationship in about 20% of men and
women referred to sexual problem clinics.
As a therapist, one
might have some difficulty in establishing
the quality and emotional tone of a couple's
relationship, but the fact of the matter is
that a reasonable assumption can be made
about it if you see sexual dysfunction.
But serious general
relationship problems both cause sexual
difficulties and also mean that sex therapy
cannot take place.
Before therapy can
happen, the relationship in general must be
subject to therapy and couple come to some
kind of understanding that allows discussion
and therapy for sexual dysfunction to take
However, the good
news is that less serious problems can be
dealt with during sex therapy, as long as
the couple have sufficient positive feelings
between them and are willing to communicate
on the matter.
turns out that fear of intimacy is a common
cause of sexual difficulties.
more or less a special quality of emotional
closeness between two people, and involves
mutual caring, open communication of
feelings, trust, responsibility, and the
lack of defensiveness in the exchange of
information about how each partner is
relationships where intimacy is high,
there's probably going to be sexual
happiness because both the man and woman are
able to take erotic pleasure in each other,
and are able to be open about what each
needs and what they do not like.
childhood experience has a significant
impact on how able one is as an adult to
background characterized by a lack of warmth
and affection give rise to adults who find
it difficult to establish intimate
often mean that somebody will have a series
of relationships, which characteristically
end at the point where the person
establishes a level of intimacy which is
emotionally threatening to them.
In couples where
sexual dysfunction exists, this lack of
intimacy, or lack of trust, as you prefer,
manifests as one or both partners lacking
the emotional impetus to engage
wholeheartedly in a sexual relationship with
For example, one
partner may rush the sexual act to get it
over with because the closeness of mutual
caressing and sexual intimacy is
of expressing repressed feelings and
thoughts about the sexual act is delayed
ejaculation, which can suppress
ejaculation and deprive both partners of
sexual pleasure, whilst leaving the couple
frustrated and angry with each other after
To clarify the point
made earlier, in such a situation the couple
won't even talk about their feelings after
sex has "failed", which tends to mean that
things get even worse.
And once a sexual
dysfunction has become established within a
relationship, the effect of this on an
individual's whole self-image may become
For example, a man
may feel that is not masculinity if he has
But he then feels
anxious about his erectile dysfunction, and
his anxiety then erodes his self-image as,
say, a competent man who can cope
effectively with life.
Once a man
who is unable to reach orgasm during sex
with a female partner,
a condition explained here, she may feel that she
is not a complete woman, sexually. And then
this impacts on her self-image.
Unfortunately people often transferred their
emotional dysfunction on to their partner,
so that a woman, for example, who fakes
orgasm, may actually know that her man needs
to bring her to orgasm to feel good about
himself, and she colludes in this deception.
The key to
overcoming all of these problems is good
therapy with a therapist who understands the
nature of these dysfunctional relationships
between men and women, and who
facilitates each member of the couple to
take their personal power back.