What is self-confidence?
I think most of us now what self
confidence means: we usually define it in
relation to what we want to do, but feel too
anxious, nervous or worried about!
So for one person self confidence might
be about speaking in public. For another, it
might be about being confident in social
situations. For a third, it might mean
having the confidence to approach potential
sexual partners. But whatever the situation
that reveals our lack of confidence, the
definition of confidence that is implicit
here is always something about being
self-assured, showing self-reliance, or not
being anxious or nervous.
Another common definition of
self-confidence centers on being assertive,
on getting what you want. This is about
standing up for yourself, about having the
presence, the personal power, if you like,
to regard yourself as equal to others and to
behave in a way that reflect this.
Although you may not know it at the
moment, there are some key factors which
make you feel less confident. An important
one is not being in control - or at least
not feeling that you're in control. If you
think of situations where you feel less
confident, you're almost certain to
recognize that the common factor is that
they are beyond your control. This is why
you ca increase your confidence by
rehearsing for some situations: going on
stage, being in an interview, taking an exam
- all of these things can be rehearsed to
some extent, and the more you do so, the
more confident you feel when you're in the
situation "for real."
Of course it follows that the greater the
element of unpredictability, the less
confident you may feel, since the less
control you have over the situation. One way
to deal with this is to focus mentally on
your strengths. In all situations, you have
some abilities and skills which are helpful,
strengths which can help you survive the
stress, and get you through the anxiety.
Again, the rote to success is based - in
part - on thinking positively, on keeping
your strengths in mind and not allowing
self-doubt to swamp you with negative
thoughts and feelings.
Of course this may be difficult when you
are experiencing a rush of mental thoughts
and feelings which serve to confuse you.
Mental confusion often goes with a lack of
confidence. Indeed, it's a very common
symptom of a lack of confidence, and it's a
by-product of the stress response you
experience when faced with a challenge that
you're not sure you can cope with.
The solution here is to learn a system of
relaxation that allows you to keep your
mental and physical processes under control.
You may not feel totally relaxed, but you
can certainly learn to reduce your stress
response, the adrenalin release, and all the
symptoms that go with it, including mental
confusion, with the aid of some relaxation
techniques. We'll look at these on another
page of this website.
You'll see from our definition of
self-confidence that different people feel
different degrees of confidence in different
situations. Of course, this is true for each
one of us - you won't feel as confident in
all situations. While giving a presentation
to your work colleagues may be an ordeal for
you, when it comes to partying, you might be
the person everyone wants to know!
If you're highly successful in business,
you might find personal relationships
difficult. And so it goes on - that's why a
lot of the treatments for a lack of
confidence are designed specifically for
particular situations. They can be extremely
helpful in increasing your confidence in
those situations.
If you're a person who feels a little
less confident than you would like in many
different situations, then you might prefer
to work on your overall self-image, to
change it so that you see your self as
fundamentally more confident as a person.
Again, we'll have a look at this on another
page of the website.
|
