You want to build your self-confidence. How do you build self confidence?

As we have said many times on this website, remember that self-confidence is not built overnight. A steady, gradual increase in your self-confidence is worth a lot more than sudden rushes of false confidence which can see you devastated when you fail to keep the gains you have made.

Steps to build your self-confidence

First of all, recognize what it is that is making you lack confidence. You probably have a fairly good idea of what this may be already, but it always helps when you're working on your confidence to give things a name and to bring them into the light. So, is it your appearance, your feelings about things, your lack of social achievement, your lack of intellectual achievement, the way you behaved years ago, or the effects of negative relationships with your parents, family or friends?

It's especially important to identify things that cause you shame or guilt or produce feelings of inferiority.

Next, talk about the things you've identified as the causes of your lack or loss of confidence with someone you can trust. Your friends and loved ones will share your troubles, and talking helps, as we all know - but don't overdo it. A trouble shared is a trouble halved - but then again, you don't want to give troubles away! They are your troubles, and you're the one who's responsible for solving them.

Talk about the challenges to your confidence (which is how you should think of these things - it gives them less power over you). Understand that there is no quick fix to resolve long-standing issues; instead, reflect on each issue and decide on small steps you can take that will help you to overcome the difficulties you face.

It's also a good idea to resolve each issue before you move on to the next one.

Now, nobody is perfect. You've heard that saying a thousand times, but it's true: each and every one of us will find a time in our lives when we lack something - confidence, prestige, power, money, or something else we see as essential for our well-being. That is a reality; life is full of challenges - it's the challenges that make us grow as people and give us the confidence to tackle progressively more challenging situations.

You'll definitely find it helpful to focus on your successes. Giving way to negative thinking and allowing yourself to be disempowered by it is your choice. You can learn to stop this process - by replacing negative self-talk each time it develops with something that seeks to find the positive, confidence boosting aspect of a situation. You may have to repeat this several times when you catch yourself thinking negatively at first, but if you persist you'll soon find that positive thinking becomes a habit.

By the way, don't allow yourself to become a victim. Basically, victim thinking is a state of mind in which you choose to abandon your power and take a powerless, helpless position. Sure, it can be difficult to find the way out of a cycle of negative thinking, but the truth is that there is always a way to be confident about your ability, for there is always something you can do, in any situation, to change the situation for the better, and to your advantage. Nothing boosts your confidence like success - remember the old saying: "Nothing succeeds like success!"

One of the ills of our consumerist society is that we often focus on what we do not have, rather than on what we do have. But the problem is that this is a route to unhappiness. There will, of course, always be some people who have more than you do, of money, talents, ability in one particular field, knowledge, skill, material wealth, charm, emotional support, validation, good luck and happiness! But so what? To try and compete with the highest in any field is hopeless: to be good enough, to be satisfied with what you have - that is the art of happiness. And of course, that is also the root of self-confidence.

More ways to boost your self-confidence

Avoid anything that feels like self-pity, and avoid the pity of others. These things sap your confidence, and they do not empower you in the art of confidence-building. Besides which, to speak negatively of yourself encourages others to do likewise, and while this may give you the short term satisfaction of reinforcing your current self-image, the truth is that people who do this are not people you want around you - if you are to build up your self-confidence. What you need is a group of like-minded people who can support you in your growth - and challenge you positively when it falters.

Smile. Even when you don't feel like smiling, activating your facial muscles by smiling feeds back positive feelings to the brain. Remarkable though this may sound, it has been shown that people who smile have more positive feelings than those who do not. You will know that when you feel happy, you feel confident.

And here's another thing: when you act confident, you feel confident. When you act happy, you feel happy. Even if you start from a place where you feel bad about yourself, by the mere act of faking positive feelings, by acting confident and happy, you can actually begin to develop more positive feelings.

One of the major causes of a lack of self-confidence is that a person does not express themselves. You don't have to be histrionic, that's for sure, but to express your emotions and feelings is a healthy and positive aspect of being human. If you're in an environment where you cannot do this, it's an environment where you are not going to flourish, and your confidence is not going to grow.

Self-expression - and the self-confidence that comes from it - can take many forms. You may wish to explore your confidence in music, writing, art, creative arts, social networking, and many other things besides. You don't have to be a genius in your chosen field; you don't necessarily even have to be good at it; all you have to be is willing to express yourself and willing to take the risk of exposing the side of yourself that may normally be hidden from others - that is the easiest and quickest route to self-acceptance and self-confidence. Finding a forum in which you can develop your self-expression will also give you the highest chance of meeting new friends.

Hardest of all, perhaps, is to find something in which you fervently believe. In many ways, this is the ultimate confidence-booster: to find, and work for, the cause for which you would willingly die. It's an old moral principle, a tough one, and perhaps one you can take a little more lightly in today's society, but the principle is the same - what is it that excites you, that motivates you, that fires you up above everything else? That is what you should focus on to gain confidence, power and strength of character!

Tips to boost your self-confidence

Besides the psychological approaches listed above, there are always things you can do to boost you confidence on a practical level.

Take exercise and eat healthily. There's an indisputable rule about how you feel inside controlling how you behave outside. If you feel confident, you act confident. If you feel good, you act good. And there's no better way to feeling good than exercising and eating well.

Keep a list of what you are good at. And don't subscribe to the view that there's nothing you are good at - that's just negative thinking and a certain perspective on life. You can choose to see things more positively.

If you're feeling jealous of others, don't be: instead, use the power of this emotion to emulate them and their achievements. Seek out what you want, not what you think you want because others have them.

Even if you feel fear  - do it anyway. The adrenaline associated with fear can actually prople you forwards, help you achive things, and boost your self-confidence.

Do a Vision Quest: To know that you can survive in such situations must be the ultimate self-confidence booster. More.

Try a martial arts course - Tae Kwondo, Aikido or Kung Fu.
 

Above all, surround yourself with positive, confidence boosting people.