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Build Self-Confidence!

Everybody wants to feel confident – it's a necessary ability and talent in the world today – but if you haven't got much confidence, the question is how you going to get there?

While there are various ways, the first and foremost of them perhaps is self insight.

You have to work at recognizing your strengths, and understanding that you are actually a decent human being who is worthy of respect and love, and a great relationship.

For example, do you allow people to dump you without fighting back to stay in relationship? Do you ever feel abandoned or lonely?

The truth is, you are absolutely good enough just as you are, and the cure for this waste of spirit is a relationship with someone, not everyone. Get some great relationship advice to help you out in discovering your potential.

So step one might well be to look at your insecurities – and find out what those voices in the back of your mind are saying about you.

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Of course there are many different reasons why these voices abuse us so constantly, a phenomenon known as "negative self talk".

Obviously most of these things come from what we learn in childhood about ourselves  – which is, regrettably, in most cases, to feel unworthy, ashamed, inferior, or just not good enough in some other way.

Now there's no quick fix to this, although psychotherapy can help.

In general, you need to work at this day by day, taking every opportunity to reframe what you believe to be true about yourself into a different way of being.

One good way of doing this is to get positive feedback from the people that you respect and love, who are probably going to be very willing to tell you about your strengths rather than your weaknesses.

Your task here is to actually stop filtering out what they tell you – how often have you seen somebody ungraciously refuse a compliment with something like "Oh it's nothing, really." "Anyone could have done it."?

 To say such things in response to positive feedback is to demonstrate a low self-esteem – the mature and sensible thing to do here is to graciously accept these compliments for what they are: a reflection of your true worth as a human being.

A human being worthy of a great relationship and success in the world. If you haven't got one yet, then yes, this work on getting your ex back is essential.

Now that said, some people find this is very difficult and even the act of accepting feedback makes them feel swollen headed and inflated.

You can get the root of this problem by working on these issues every day, and understanding nobody is perfect; even the most confident people have some insecurities – in fact, it's arguably the most high achievers who are the most insecure of all, because they're probably trying to prove to themselves how good they are by working extra hard.

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What that means of course is that you can't look at anybody and assume that they are superior to you.

Self reflection will help you get the root of many of your difficulties, and you don't need to become obsessed by them;  you need to take an objective view of your strengths and weaknesses.

You can do this by taking a clear look at your strengths, identifying your successes, and praising yourself everything that you're good at – even the little things, such as the way you bring up your children, the way you keep house, or the little task that you completed successfully at work are things that demonstrate that you are good enough in some field.

If you're comparing yourself with some high standard that is unachievable and irrelevant to you, then you're obviously setting yourself up for constant failure.

This is a way of denying yourself the permission to take pride in what you achieve.

An underlying reason for this something like a victim mentality, where for some reason or another you are taking a "one down position" in relationship to the rest of the world.

Obviously somebody taught you to do that – you weren't born feeling that way, for sure! You can overcome such an attitude to some degree by being positive, and engaging in gratitude thinking, self reflection of the positive kind, and avoiding self-pity.

Video - gratitude practice


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