wants to feel confident – it's a necessary
ability and talent in the world today – but
if you haven't got much confidence, the
question is how you going to get there?
are various ways, the first and foremost of
them perhaps is self insight.
You have to
work at recognizing your strengths, and
understanding that you are actually a decent
human being who is worthy of respect and
love, and a great relationship.
do you allow people to dump you without
fighting back to stay in relationship? Do
you ever feel abandoned or lonely?
is, you are absolutely good enough just
as you are, and the cure for this waste of
spirit is a relationship with someone, not
Get some great relationship advice to
help you out in discovering your potential.
So step one
might well be to look at your insecurities –
and find out what those voices in the back
of your mind are saying about you.
there are many different reasons why these
voices abuse us so constantly, a phenomenon
known as "negative self talk".
no quick fix to this, although psychotherapy
you need to work at this day by day, taking
every opportunity to reframe what you
believe to be true about yourself into a
different way of being.
good way of doing this is to get positive
feedback from the people that you respect
and love, who are probably going to be very
willing to tell you about your strengths
rather than your weaknesses.
here is to actually stop filtering out what
they tell you – how often have you seen
somebody ungraciously refuse a compliment
with something like "Oh it's nothing,
really." "Anyone could have done it."?
such things in response to positive feedback
is to demonstrate a low self-esteem – the
mature and sensible thing to do here is to
graciously accept these compliments for what
they are: a reflection of your true worth as
a human being.
said, some people find this is very
difficult and even the act of accepting
feedback makes them feel swollen headed and
You can get
the root of this problem by working on these
issues every day, and understanding
nobody is perfect; even the most
confident people have some insecurities – in
fact, it's arguably the most high achievers
who are the most insecure of all, because
they're probably trying to prove to
themselves how good they are by working
means of course is that you can't look at
anybody and assume that they are superior to
reflection will help you get the root of
many of your difficulties, and you don't
need to become obsessed by them; you
need to take an objective view of your
strengths and weaknesses.
You can do
this by taking a clear look at your
strengths, identifying your successes, and
praising yourself everything that you're
good at – even the little things, such as
the way you bring up your children, the way
you keep house, or the little task that you
completed successfully at work are things
that demonstrate that you are good enough in
comparing yourself with some high standard
that is unachievable and irrelevant to you,
then you're obviously setting yourself up
for constant failure.
This is a way
of denying yourself the permission to take
pride in what you achieve.
reason for this something like a victim
mentality, where for some reason or another
you are taking a "one down position" in
relationship to the rest of the world.
somebody taught you to do that – you weren't
born feeling that way, for sure! You can
overcome such an attitude to some degree by
being positive, and engaging in gratitude
thinking, self reflection of the positive
kind, and avoiding self-pity.