Quick and easy ways to boost your
self-confidence when you need an instant fix
of personal power!
1)
Carry good memories that boost your
confidence
We all have times when we feel
happy and
self-confident, when things go well, when we
feel relaxed and self-assured. Take the memory of
these times with you when you feel lacking
in confidence, depressed or stressed. A few
minutes, relaxing, eyes closed, while you
remember these positive memories can have a major impact on
your confidence levels.
You might, for example, choose to recall a
peaceful scene on the beach or a time when
you were performing at your best, or a time
when you achieved something of which you can
be rightfully proud. These positive memories are a vital
part of maintaining your self-esteem and making
you feel more confident in moments of
self-doubt.
2)
Avoid thinking about yourself
We all need to value ourselves, and put
our needs and wishes first, before those of
other people, but the downside to this is
that we can become too wrapped up in
ourselves at times when it is unhelpful.
Much anxiety - especially that which you
feel in a social situation - comes form
self-consciousness: literally, awareness of
yourself (and your imagined failings).
Suppose you were not able to think about
yourself, as in a crisis where you need to
act - and quickly, perhaps to save someone's
life. You simply would not feel nervous: you
would not have the time, the time or the
space, in fact, to think about yourself.
It's only when you begin to ruminate on your
failings and weaknesses that anxiety
takes a hold.
The way to prevent or at least
reduce
this self-awareness and thereby to increase
your confidence is to focus your
attention on some aspect of your
surroundings, and study them intently. This
might be another person, an object, or even
some challenging mental thinking - an d
abstract problem, or a mathematical
calculation, for example. This
takes your focus off yourself and onto the
objects, people or places in your vicinity.
3) Do something!
It's a fact that nervous people, those who
lack confidence, don't act. Often the fear
of acting and doing something wrong is so
great that it prevents them doing anything.
But you can actually choose to override this behaviour pattern, and take action. It
doesn't really matter what it is: be the wine
waiter at a party, take the plates of food
round, make people feel comfortable.
Obviously, you wouldn't want to do this in a
way that makes you feel subservient or at a
disadvantage to everyone else; you could,
for example, use it as a deliberate strategy
to meet people. After all, the idea is to
boost your confidence, not reduce
it! By doing something positive and acting,
you can avoid the feelings that are less than useful, and
you distract yourself from your own self-consciousness.
4)
Think positively
You know, a lot of people don't think
positively. They give way to negative
thoughts and feelings all the time, even
when they are unjustified (which, arguably,
is all the time!) If you take just five
minutes a day to change your thinking
patterns from negative to positive, your
whole mental outlook will change from
pessimism to optimism.
Now, don't get me wrong. I know the limits
of positive thinking, but I also know that
many people decide they will think
positively without being prepared for the
effort it may initially take. That's why
they fail. You have to
monitor your thoughts and stop the negative
ones: try saying to yourself something
gentle like "Cancel, cancel" when you
catch yourself thinking negatively.
If
this has become a habit with you, after a
few tries, your negative thinking patterns
will switch on with some discouraging words
like: "This is useless...." or
you'll feel
tempted to revert back to the negative
way. This is when self-discipline is
necessary.
Be confident that you can control your
thoughts, even if initially you have to check
your negative words every few minutes. With
persistence, you'll be amazed how quickly
you start to find yourself looking more
optimistically at the world - including
your own confidence and abilities.
5)
Don't be disappointed with setbacks
Rome, as they say, was not built in a day,
and neither was supreme self-confidence.
Keep working at building your self-confidence
and you'll find the small changes build on
top of each other, gradually making you into
a more confident and assured person.
6)
Deal with negative self-talk kindly
In all the work I've done with
people, the
one thing that's been most destructive to
their confidence is their negative self-talk.
Those "voices" or thoughts you
may experience, advising you that "You're no
good" "You can't do anything right" and so
on, are the introjected voices and attitudes
of the people who were significant to you
when you were a child. (These may or may not
be your actual parents: schoolteachers have a
lot to so
with this problem. So do older siblings.).
They were wrong: they were coming from their
own place of fear and self-doubt when they
criticized you. Now it's time to turn those
voices off, to stop the parental tapes
running. You have permission to disregard
these voices and to counter them with your own
more adult, realistic voice: "No, I did it
better this time than before, and each time
I do it, I improve still further." "I
did it well, and I
shall do it better next time." "I am a
confident and self-assured person, and my
confidence grows daily." "I make clear,
confident decisions."
The same is true if
you hear or think negative things in the
first person: "I can't do anything right."
"I'm no good at anything." "I
always make a
mess of things." There are millions of
other examples, all of which you can defeat
with some shift to positive thinking.
Remember that you have complete
control over your thoughts and feelings
(even if it doesn't feel that way!) You can
stop these negative messages, and build
greater self-esteem and self-confidence.
There are some specific
techniques to help you change your behavior
on another page of this website. |
