Self-Esteem - How To Improve Your Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence!

Expectations and self-image. How they relate to your confidence level.

Your self-image has a major effect on the way you behave and act in any situation. For example, if you perceive yourself as a poor conversationalist or an unassertive person, you probably have difficulty in speaking to people or in asserting yourself.

If you believe you're attractive, you probably expect to be the object of attention. If you believe you're unattractive, perhaps you expect to be rejected. Whatever you expect, people usually respond accordingly.

However, research has shown that we actually use other people's reactions to our behavior as confirmation that our self-image is correct! Thus changing the way you see yourself can be a major step to altering both your behavior and people's reactions to you.

Of course, our expectations are not limited to the examples described above. We all hold expectations about every single aspect of our lives. For example, you will have a set of expectations about the behavior and attitudes of your partner, your friends, your colleagues, and so forth. And within each area of expectations, you will hold what can be described as negative and positive expectations. For example:

What you expect from yourself

Positive - intelligence, aptitude, determination, tolerance and so on

Negative - stupidity, ineptitude, lack of persistence, lack of tolerance and so on.

What you expect from life

Positive - good rewards, fair play, recognition of your individuality and so on

Negative - to be cheated, downtrodden, abused and so on

Your self-image and expectations are closely linked. For example, a man who expects to succeed at his job, gain promotion and obtain high financial rewards may have an image of himself as intelligent, confident, successful and skilful in business. It is not difficult to see why a person with so many positive expectations and such a strong self-image will almost certainly have a high self-esteem and a high level of self-confidence. Nor is it difficult to see why people with many negative expectations about life, relationships and the world in general tend to have a poor self-image, a low self-esteem, and a lack of self-confidence.

Consider some threats to positive expectations. If you hold a number of positive expectations to which you attach great importance (such as obtaining a job, pulling off a business deal, gaining promotion, establishing and maintaining a relationship, obtaining respect from your children), and these expectations are not fulfilled or are placed at risk, or even if you worry about the possibility that they will not be fulfilled, you may become anxious, you may feel less confident, and you may behave accordingly.

And if you hold negative expectations you're likely to feel under-confident, because of the way in which negative expectations can reduce your self-esteem.

Any situation which might affect your self-image in such a way that your self-esteem is reduced will produce feelings of a lack of confidence.

Feelings of inferiority - one aspect of a lack of self-confidence

Such feelings - which seem to be extremely common - arise when you think other people are more like your ideal self than you are. This has a very powerful effect on your self-confidence - unfortunately, a negative one!

It seems that we judge other people's self-confidence from a mixture of personality characteristics, including self-assertiveness, emotionality of response to difficult situations, our assessment of their level of self-esteem and so on. In addition, a person's expectations about the outcome of any situation, based on his own past experience, must contribute to his estimation of his own level of self-confidence. Thus, for example, a person who has failed to achieve what he desires many times in the past will have many negative expectations about his chance of success in the future - and will feel that he lacks self-confidence. Bear in mind that emotional problems can reduce one's ability to make decisions: this may appear as a lack of confidence in one's own judgment.

Next: The beliefs that make you lack or lose confidence in yourself.